ENTRY BY: PALLAVI S. POOJARY

YS winner

Blog Title: Act Like a Lady Think Like a Boss

I belong to a generation that is caught between acting like a Lady while simultaneously making sure that my self-respect and pride remains unscathed. I said pride, not ego, mind it, detractors! This is not a rant. Well, coming back to what I was saying, it is difficult acting like a Lady in this world that treats good natured women as little more than doormats. This is the reason why I thought, ‘I might be a Lady, but I will think like a Boss!’

This philosophy has benefited me more than you can imagine. I can summon up all my Lady-like skills at a jiffy but the ‘boss-like thinking’ protects me from all the creeps, chauvinists and misogynists who are always ready with a code of behaviour for my feminine self. It is some time since they have got to me and I intend to keep thinking like a boss and kicking my detractors’ pretty asses while I am at it! Sayonara…

Blog Title: A Mosquito can fly but a Fly can’t Mosquito; in other words, I can be me, bitches!

Okay, so you are going to hate me for this! You may even be jealous by the end of this post but in my position as a social messiah, allow me to enlighten you to some secrets of leading a happy life!

First and foremost, you can copy me, live by my very code, but you cannot be me! No, don’t pout, it may be the best thing after all… Who needs another self-important, narcisstic freak in a world already filled with enough of those?

So here goes:

1)    Pay scarce attention to all those people posting all those lovely photographs on Facebook. Highly likely that they are photoshopped / created just to give you those much dreaded jealousy pangs!

2)    Treat Twitter well. Take it from me folks, I have moved three cities in the last 2 years and I couldn’t have found so many friends and confidantes if not for Twitter. It is the place for screwed up people like us.

3)    Take a trip. Call in sick to work and go on a short vacation. Extend it into a long one if you are one of those lucky IT types. Money spent on vacations, concerts and trips are supposed to increase your lifespan. Considering the amount of time we spend in front of the computer, even a few years’ addition to our lives will be substantial, I tell you!

4)    Do not forgive! Crush their ass and defeat the bastards!

So there, do not be me, but you can live by my moral code. Chao!

Blog Title: Single! (And afraid to mingle)

Kids, today I am going to tell you the story of how I almost met my man and destroyed myself! No, I am yet to marry, and no I do not have a lovey-dovey story to narrate! But what I can tell you is the story of my exploits in the ‘getting a boyfriend front’ and why you should stay away from all such BF/GF exploits.

Everyone around you – Amma, Pappa, Ajja, Ajji, Maama, Maami, best friend who is committed, friend who just broke up, your maid, Doodhwala and the rest – may tell you, finding a man/woman for yourself is the best thing you can do to yourself. But listen to me, dear lambs, it is suicide…..suicide!

I had believed what they all told and set out to find a guy for myself, goaded on by the fear of marrying a stranger if I didn’t. The night I made the decision, my roommate and I sat together and drew up a list of all the male first, second, third, fourth and fifth degree contacts we collectively had and shortlisted the most eligible of the bachelors. Mission Boyfriend hunt was to begin the next day. Much to the chagrin of my roomie, I zeroed in on my cute, boyish, colleague as the first target. She warned me to leave him alone but I couldn’t get myself to…

So the hunt began. I pursued him at work, dressed up for him, changed from a tomboy to a dolled up diva, spent hordes on beauty parlours and netted him. It went on for a few months till he dumped me to move on to the next dolled up one. I was so angry, I set his bag on fire! So there, do not fall for it kids, or you will end up like me, afraid to mingle!

Blog Title: Coffee V/s Red Bull

It’s a no brainer, innit?! You don’t agree with me? Hrumph let me make my case!

How many cups of coffee do you need to bring back your brain from the dead on the night before an examination? I can’t hear you… 3 did you say? Now let me ask you the next question. How many Red Bulls does it take to wake your lethargic brain into action? 3 again?  Dude, there is something wrong with you!

I am a lover of coffee, do not mistake me, but there is something in Red Bull that is missing from coffee. The former has a social commitment attached to it, and commitment phobic as I am, I would much rather sit in a corner table with a Red Bull and sulk rather than making small talk with people over a cup of coffee!

My bloodstream welcomes Red Bull with the same love a mother would welcome a child from boarding school. And coffee? Well my tummy welcomes coffee with the grumbling and acidic noises you would associate with a teacher welcoming a naughty kid to class.

So there you go. Red Bull wins over coffee any day.

P.S: I drink 5 cups of coffee a day.

Blog Title: How I achieved Inner Peace (not)!

Okay so, I am not a Babaji to lecture you on inner peace. I am an ordinary sinning mortal who is as far from achieving inner peace as a politician going to heaven after death.

So what am I pontificating about? I am going to tell you of that one time I was this close to achieving inner peace.

I was jobless those days, a fresher just out of college. I had rejected all the job placements I had got and was trying to achieve I do not know what, and in the process came to the city of Bangalore where the entire jobless junta normally heads to.

After the initial exhilaration of city life died down, I was bogged down by the boredom and plasticity of it all. Searching for peace and a job, I started frequenting a library set in a thickly wooded park in Basavanagudi. Sitting among army veterans and retirees reading the papers in peace I came the closest to achieving inner peace until a company called and recruited me!

WORD COUNT | 1191 (ALL INCLUSIVE)

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One response to “ENTRY BY: PALLAVI S. POOJARY

  1. Pingback: I too participated in a Speed Blogging Contest… | The Color Purple

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